tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91049069098542764712011-11-27T18:56:59.091-05:00Funny stories, sarcasm, foul language, ranting, raving and other hilarity ensues.Davidnoreply@blogger.comBlogger291100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-68828802280569188332010-02-13T08:47:00.000-05:002010-02-13T08:47:08.402-05:00

Original Show:

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-28109817068203822712010-01-30T12:19:00.001-05:002010-01-30T12:23:05.044-05:00

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-49333895268192663062010-01-29T19:50:00.000-05:002010-01-29T19:50:23.638-05:00

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-53106854444844221292010-01-16T10:25:00.000-05:002010-01-16T10:25:08.270-05:00

Davidnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-53811695614180479562009-12-19T10:07:00.003-05:002009-12-19T10:21:26.171-05:00

This is a real letter I had to send to the management company who runs the shit-hole condominium development where I live. Mr. { NAME WITHHELD}: I have recently received a letter informing me of the Satellite Dish Compliance that {COMPANY NAME WITHHELD} Management plans to begin enforcing on behalf of the {CONDOMINIUM NAME WITHHELD} Condominium Association, requesting my “voluntary compliance”.

Davidnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-71671669460479944382009-12-13T22:39:00.000-05:002009-12-13T22:39:53.136-05:00

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-47314999767058008872009-11-17T09:29:00.005-05:002009-11-18T22:40:50.664-05:00

Aries - March 21 - April 19 Time to get out there and turn some heads Aries. Try to expose the people around you to new ideas and experiences, even if they have no interest in them. Stuff some Christianity down their throats, or insist that they suddenly become Wiccan. They might resist, but you can always just insult them until their willpower breaks down. Remember Aries, there's no time

Asstrologerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07777888578299994532noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-22520065725143895552009-11-16T22:36:00.001-05:002009-12-19T10:22:52.381-05:00

I like the part where Nickleback sucks.

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-14844564105889835152009-11-08T20:19:00.001-05:002009-11-08T20:22:39.342-05:00

Davidnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-46216171054883115722009-11-05T20:36:00.000-05:002009-11-05T20:36:58.909-05:00

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-85472329304985042582009-11-04T21:17:00.010-05:002009-11-04T22:41:35.635-05:00

I have two cats... an old black generic shorthair (Rasputin) and a straight Persian (Flats). I sort of love them... sort of. No wait, scratch that.That was just the nice thing to say, and we don't do that kind of bullshit here.THEY ARE MAKING ME BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY. Fleas Do you have pets? Have you SEEN what we've made the fleas into? Evolution is at work here folks, think about it.

CHUKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652450601745887594noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-52395592792703137062009-10-24T10:53:00.006-04:002009-10-24T11:59:03.015-04:00

The day a boy gets his first real stiffy is quite, possibly the second greatest day of life (the greatest is the day he realizes what he can do with it). That first week is like a honeymoon with yourself, where you will spend every available minute consummating your marriage to yourself. But it's also a little like doing heroin...you will spend the rest of your life trying to recreate that high

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-82886799107090166672009-10-15T16:52:00.006-04:002009-10-17T12:01:12.482-04:00

Ok, I make video games. That is my job, that is what I do. If I've learned anything during the process, its that how awesome things are matters. Things must be bad-ass. A lame-ass robot can have the same statistics as a bad-ass robot, and it will still be lame because it looks and feels lame. Our military needs to learn this lesson. Not that we or our weapons are lame mind you, but we

CHUKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652450601745887594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-17342659275271261202009-10-15T08:09:00.013-04:002009-10-17T12:01:38.576-04:00

I watch alot of murder oriented television. ALOT. We're measuring in fuck-tons here, ALOT of fuck-tons. I'm talking about Forensic Files, Dexter, Cold Case Files, CSI (but not Miami, David Caruso's bullshit pensive sunglasses thing makes me want to drink paint) NCIS... I mean, if its got an acronym with C, I, and S, in it, or they talk about shoe tread patterns and diatoms, I am there. The

CHUKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652450601745887594noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-28450777116286598932009-10-11T21:44:00.004-04:002009-10-17T11:49:52.234-04:00

So I’m a dad now and as shocking as that is to all the people who knew me when I was a young, pot-smoking, long hair, I decided none-the-less to try my hand at procreation and guess what, I’m fucking AWESOME at it. That’s right. I get the job done! And now as a result, my wife and I have a new a baby boy. 6lbs, 10oz of Adam genetics is now mine for the raising and man is it difficult. As a

Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11052982294299772394noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-15046067599807826882009-10-11T00:30:00.000-04:002009-10-11T00:30:15.232-04:00

Ahhh...I hate Creed. Thankfully, this came out just in time for their new tour.

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-35384140752301476352009-10-11T00:05:00.005-04:002009-10-17T12:02:26.288-04:00

Let me start by saying I am pro-apocalypse. My fear is there is no God and therefore no end of the world as predicted by the Bible. So we need a backup plan to destroy the Earth. And something cooler than waiting for the ice caps to melt, I don't have that kind of time. If there are no "four horsemen" to look forward to, I'm not just going to sit around and

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-24340148517212678082009-10-10T23:57:00.002-04:002009-10-17T11:51:46.737-04:00

Kids may say the darndest things but I tend to be more amused by the manner in which I, as a parent must respond. So here is my personal collection of things I have said to my kids... Mommy and I were just “hugging”. Get back in your bed. Now. Stop licking the door. Sweetie, you can’t put raisins up your nose. Yes, I’m sure it does make them taste like boogers. Don’t hit the

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-1373082289128112622009-10-10T23:55:00.002-04:002009-10-17T11:52:26.933-04:00

Oh, hey. What’s up man? Geez, I haven’t seen you since High School. How’s it been going? Good. Good. What? Oh, let you turn your Ipod down first? Ok, no problem. Just, go ahead and uh, do that. You’re listening to the new Killers album? No, I haven’t heard it. It’s pretty cool? Yeah, I guess I’ll have to check it out. No, I don’t have an Ipod. Yeah. Yeah, I can see

Davidnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-85240538478746180392009-10-10T23:49:00.003-04:002009-10-17T11:54:46.524-04:00

• Juicy Juice is a juice brand that parents sometimes buy for their children. I don't buy it because I cannot afford the redundant adjective on the packaging. This is the same reason I do not buy Milky Milk. • Fish food packaging lists the ingredients on the back. As if I am going to check there first to make sure I am not going to feed my fish something he may be

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-44642675665756137582009-10-10T23:38:00.001-04:002009-10-17T11:56:15.324-04:00

This is fucking perfect. I'm dead and about to be buried in the cheapest suit my wife could find. Jesus Christ woman! I know the life insurance paid enough for you to get more than a 23 dollar suit from Goodwill with a bloodstain on the crotch. Hope you are putting all that money you saved on dressing me for eternity towards the kids college fund and not going on

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-72419077754999739652009-10-10T23:27:00.005-04:002009-10-17T11:56:45.019-04:00

I have two kids. Two kids who frequently “want this” or “want that”. In an effort to deal with demands that I am unwilling to fulfill, I started responding with equally unrealistic wants of my own. My favorite is telling them that I want a minotaur. And yes, I mean the labyrinth guarding, axe-wielding man with a bull’s head. After saying this several times to crush my

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-79118006739095048102009-10-10T22:05:00.002-04:002009-10-17T11:57:19.537-04:00

This sucks. My butthole itches. Bad. I’m in the middle of the godamn grocery store and my cornhole feels like it’s got a bad case of poison ivy. Don’t forget to buy Saltines. Your wife made chili and you need Saltines. Oh, and milk. Fuck, that itches bad. What should I do? There are way too many people here to just reach right in and scratch it. Just ignore

Davidnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-3896166964494554552009-09-12T21:11:00.003-04:002009-10-17T11:57:59.491-04:00

I was first introduced to the concept of "anus bleaching" as many of us were, by a dirty video of the process on the Internet. I am forever disturbed. If you are unfamiliar with the concept, anus,or anal bleaching is the process of cosmetically "whitening" your "chocolate starfish" with chemicals to make it more of a whiteish, "strawberry starfish". What the

Davidnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-60506011938798573502009-08-22T22:18:00.003-04:002009-10-17T11:58:31.139-04:00

I decided to list this article under the category of Goals, Plans, and Hopes because that is what wishes essentially are, things you HOPE will come true. Unfortunately, I am yet to get any of the stupid 27 things my mind has managed to congeal together as WISHES in that one split second of sucking in breath before blowing at a mass of lit candles in some rather asinine

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-10230535212283984122009-08-12T22:01:00.008-04:002009-10-17T11:59:16.006-04:00

Just a thought... Being that I am an avid consumer of mainstream media (as an American, one has no choice) I have come across a number of products whose very necessity is in question. I would like to bring some of them to light for you. Trojan "Warm Sensation" Condoms: Have you ever had sex with a human being? They are warm... ESPECIALLY around or IN their orifices.

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-57984003462572489952009-07-27T21:52:00.003-04:002009-10-13T22:17:37.118-04:00

Stuff we've all wondered about but know it just isn't worth asking out loud. Where do babies come from? Babies come from lots of places and for lots of reasons. Here are a few: One night stands. Teenagers. Minorities. Not pulling out in time. Not pulling out in time while having a one night stand with a "minority" teenager. What’s the fastest way to lose more than 100 lbs.? Get a

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-35047744253156998962009-06-15T20:41:00.001-04:002009-10-17T12:00:05.891-04:00

I would never go so far as to say that I have a "sensitive palate." Saying you have a sensitive palate means you are a pussy and are a picky eater. I don't date nor would I ever date a picky eater because you are fucking boring and are a waste of centuries of culinary mastery and precision. This also goes for vegetarians and vegans who, in my book, are pretentious douchebags whose pathetic love

Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11052982294299772394noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9104906909854276471.post-48133118390490781632006-11-22T08:27:00.001-05:002009-11-22T10:52:16.693-05:00

With the Holiday season upon us, we felt there would be no better interview that the jolly old drunk himself. Santa Claus gets real with Whangdoodle about kids, the economy, and himself. Whangdoodle: Thanks for doing this interview so close to Christmas. I know this is your busy season. How has Christmas changed in recent years? Santa Claus: I have grown to hate children. Those

Davidnoreply@blogger.com0