Saturday, September 12, 2009

Anal Bleaching, what everyone should know

I was first introduced to the concept of "anus bleaching" as many of us were, by a dirty video of the process on the Internet. I am forever disturbed.

If you are unfamiliar with the concept, anus,or anal bleaching is the process of cosmetically "whitening" your "chocolate starfish" with chemicals to make it more of a whiteish, "strawberry starfish". What the fuck... Seriously.
Before a person does this (and yes, apparently the process isn't only popular with females), do they not sit back and think what the word "bleaching" really means? Last time I checked, bleach was a very powerful chemical meant for two things; Getting my whites whiter, and killing just about any goddam thing it came into contact with - like say, bacteria. Bacteria are free-living, micro cellular organisms that bleach can kill like it's nobody's business.

One should therefore logically deduce that intentionally making bleach come into prolonged contact with a very sensitive part of your body is a bad idea. It's painful enough to shit out a spicy Mexican dinner the next day, let alone leave some bleach sit on your winkin' stinkin' brown eye until it metamorphosizes like Michael Jackson's face.

Number two, buttholes are supposed to only come in one color. Dirty brown. Beyond being a dark color to better camouflage the remnants of that day's "session", Mother Nature hides your anus behind two large muscles and covers it in ass-hair to keep it hidden. Now that you've bleached it, you have just prepared a brighter contrasting canvas for your next rectal Jackson Pollock masterpiece. Way to go genius.

Beyond all the ridiculous and painful logistics behind anus bleaching, there lies the real point of this unfortunate cosmetic treatment. You are bleaching it because you plan on someone else seeing it. Close up.

But here's the thing. If seeing your shit dispenser gets me going, I am probably already blowing my wad at the thought of touching it, fucking it or eating it. And if I'm not, then that new unnatural pinkish glow ain' t gonna turn me to the dark side. I think a good wipe job and a shower will suffice. Really.

It ain' t a fuckin' steak hunnie. If I wanted it pink on the inside, there are plenty of other places I can go to eat.


  1. Yeah true. I like the brown ones better. Although it's considered disgusting, it's still natural, even to us who are into analingus. I still don't want some pink fakened a-hole modification. I wish this bleach process never existed. At least the brown natural colors show more character, if you're even into looking at it to begin with. If you don't like looking at it, then change the channel on the TV of life itself. There is plenty of other things to look at and worry about!

  2. Im fucking dying reading this shit