Bad Business

• Juicy Juice is a juice brand that parents sometimes buy for their children. I don't buy it because I cannot afford the redundant adjective on the packaging. This is the same reason I do not buy Milky Milk.

• Fish food packaging lists the ingredients on the back. As if I am going to check there first to make sure I am not going to feed my fish something he may be allergic to. The last fish food I bought said it was new and improved on the label, but I'm not sure if it was really better. My fish has yet to indicate whether or not he prefers the new brand over the old brand.

• I'm glad nobody ever thought to combine the resuscitation dolls with blow-up sex dolls. I wouldn't have bought one if was was advertised as being both. What they should combine are cows and pigs because I really like bacon cheeseburgers.

• Dave & Busters is the only place I know of where you can spend $200.00 gambling and only win a coffee mug. I guess that's better than Chuck E Cheese where all I can win is a Super ball. A coffee mug has a more practical application in my day to day life. I cannot drink from a super ball.

• I went to the barber to get my hair cut. The barber asked me if I wanted a "regular" haircut. I said "No, I would like an extraordinary haircut". I didn't realize I had an option. If it's the same price, I want my hair to look really good.

• The Avis Rental car company has a tagline. They say "We try harder". This implies to me that they try, but do not succeed. "I'm sorry sir, we tried to get you a car for the weekend, but could not acquire one for your use. That will be $39.00 please." They should change it to: "We will definitely rent you a car".

• A local car dealership has a commercial where two guys say: "We're the Fred Martin car guys and we know cars". This seems like a waste of valuable commercial time. I expect you to know cars already. Tell me something interesting about yourselves. Say: "We're the Fred Martin car guys and we know how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear". That would get me to come down to your car dealership. But I would be really angry if the answer was "magic". I would not buy a car then.